THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Aalborg Hammer]

The Cher Noble one reminded me of it...sorry !

[Hammer and Pickle]

I must admit I found it raised a giggle.

[Manuel]

"collyrob 7:29 Tue May 28 It's literally like he has made it up himself, and why would she be pleased that Castle is her Dad anyway. Most of the 'jokes' on here are shocking, but carry on, there is the odd good one."

[arsene york-hunt]

Bungo 11:52 Tue May 28 That's how I heard the joke but couldn't remember the name.

[collyrob]

Aalborg Hammer 12:40 Tue May 28 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Genuinely one of the worst jokes I've ever ever heard.

[Aalborg Hammer]

"They've just found out that Beyonces' birth father is the veteran entertainer,Roy Castle.The stars' agent said that she was 'glad to have discovered this but won't be using his surname' in future"

[Bungo]

arsene york-hunt 9:34 Fri May 24 Also worked well as 'a woman with two twats'. N-Dubz Let's hope for a reunion so we can haul that one out again!

[joe royal]

Cher is married to West Ham footballer Mark Noble and that's why she just uses her first name.

[Mirkwood]

Haha

[BillyJenningsBoots]

147man I think you've missed the joke there mate.

[147man]

What do you call a woman with three cunts? The Black Eyed Peas. The woman is called Fergie

[Iron Duke]

Topical

[arsene york-hunt]

What do you call a woman with three cunts? The Black Eyed Peas.

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I applied to join the Worshipful Company of Indexers, but, apparently, you can't get in without a reference."

[Troy McClure]

cheeses cruyf 1:55 Wed May 22 Niki Lauder jokes? Really? Come on... His body's not yet cold..

[Queens Fish Bar]

"Woman in a bar turns to her friend and says ""see that bloke over there?"" nodding towards me. She continues ""he has an office with a corner window and drives a £400k vehicle. I'm gonna fuck him"". The next morning, we're sitting on her her roof terrace, overlooking the Thames, drinking bucks fizz. Both happy as Larry. She turned to me and said ""so what do you actually do for a living?"" Me ""bus driver""."

[cheeses cruyf]

Ladbrokes are offering 4/1 on Niki Lauda surviving the cremation

[BRANDED]

"""You know that unbelievable urge just to eat that thing in front of you?""ù "" Yeah. That's why I'm no longer a gynaecologist""ù"

[Hammer and Pickle]

"My wife fell into an upholstering machine at the weekend...after a night in hospital, she is now firm and bouncy."

[chim chim cha boo]

"My wife fell into an upholstering machine at the weekend...after a night in hospital,she is now comfortable."

[Aalborg Hammer]

"My wife fell into an upholstering machine at the weekend...after a night in hospital,she has recovered nicely"

[BRANDED]

"Most Americans say 'Arabic numerals' should not be taught in school, finds survey"

[mashed in maryland]

Aalborg Hammer 12:06 Fri May 17 Hahahhaahaha

[Aalborg Hammer]

Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourettes..turn out she doesn't have it.I am a cսnt and really does want me to fuck off

[Too Much Too Young]

"Bloke buys a cockney parrot but gets sick of it saying, ""I'm from East London and i'm hard as fuck!"", so he puts a Kestrel in its cage. Next morning, he finds the kestrel dead and the Parrot says, ""I'm from East London and i'm hard as fuck!"", so the bloke puts a Golden Eagle in the cage. Next morning, he finds the Eagle dead and the Parrot with no feathers. As the bloke looks in the cage, the Parrot says, ""Had to take me coat off for that cսnt""."