West Ham Online

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

"Just watching that Gilligan bloke A comedian? Now that's a joke, The art form comedy, Has long ceased to be, Now ""funny"" men have to be woke. TV shows are watched with a frown. They're all fucking woke and dumbed down"

They send threats about the licence fee But I don't want to watch BBC There's ITV2 To edify you And repeats too on Sky TV Just watching that Gilligan bloke A comedian? Now that's a joke

"Once I used to piss a neat jet Nowadays my shoes get wet, The answer for me? It's to sit down to pee. Said a bloke at outpatients I met. They send threats about the licence fee But I don't want to watch BBC"

I just wish they could invent a thing To stop bog water splashing your ring It may sound a bit cliche It’s an automated bidet And gets you off the seat with a spring Once I used to piss a neat jet Nowadays my shoes get wet

"Our main striker's form is bizarre His shots all go over the bar, A man in Row Z Was struck on his head. And was feeling a bit under par. I just wish they could invent a thing To stop bog water splashing your ring."

Do the owners keep Moyes for a reason? Bet he’s gone at the end of the season They say they know best Despite the protest Say anything else and its treason Our main striker's form is bizarre His shots all go over the bar

"On my wall, I'm hanging some pictures, And one has scenes from the scriptures. There’s one allegoric Another bucolic And two of losers and victors Do the owners keep Moyes for a reason? Bet he’s gone at the end of the season"

"Listening to crap like rapping, I'd rather get a knee capping. And even worse still, That shit they call ""Drill"" So wire them all up and start zapping. On my wall, I'm hanging some pictures, And one has scenes from the scriptures."

"The timing of when you blow off To coincide with a cough, Followed by a guffaw, You'll be looked at with awe, But don't do that if you're a toff. Listening to crap like rapping, I'd rather get a knee capping"

"That earthquake. You know who'll they'll blame, The culprit, each time, is the same. And some stupid sod Said ""it's the will of God"" As the building blocks fall and maim The timing of when you blow off To coincide with a cough"

"In the northern town Cltheroe, They do gravy with chips, you know. And, if you please, A large mushy peas, As tasty as fresh yellow snow. That earthquake. You know who'll they'll blame, The culprit, each time, is the same."

"No score in normal play The tactics of yesterday More fun washing dishes, But that's what Moyes wishes, It's what will drive the punters away The call of the lavatory beckoned It would be a long haul I reckoned An ebook to read' Was what I would need, But WHHOOOSSSSHH, 'twas over in a second. True story In the northern town Cltheroe, They do gravy with chips, you know."

Manure to a man an arse'ole Against Palace out of control Behaving like brats These overrated prats A bunch of spoilt cunts as a whole No score in normal play The tactics of yesterday

"A virgin approached an old perv, And asked ""What's up there, round the curve?"" He said "" Don't know plumbing, All I know is bumming, Though front bums, I give 'em a swerve"". Manure to a man an arse'ole Against Palace out of control"

"In the street laid a pissdrunk nutter He claimed he saw God from the gutter. When asked ""Move along"", He burst into song, Although it was more of a stutter. A virgin approached an old perv, And asked ""What's up there, round the curve?"""

"Bankrolled by a despotic regime Magpies OK with that, it would seem ""don't criticize"" they said ""Or we'll take off your head"" But good luck with your teetotal dream In the street laid a pissdrunk nutter He claimed he saw God from the gutter"

"The scousers without Van Dyke, Could mean Jurgen Klopp on his bike? I hate the kraut cսnt But being quite blunt, There's more chance of me pulling a dyke. Bankrolled by a despotic regime Magpies OK with that, it would seem"

"Helmut, who the fuck is Westwood? And the stuff he does, any good? He's white, middle aged Thinks he's black and teenaged And speaks like he came from da hood The scousers without Van Dyke, Could mean Jurgen Klopp on his bike?"

"Helmut, who the fuck is Westwood? And the stuff he does, any good? He's white, middle aged Thinks he's black and teenaged And speaks like he came from da hood The scousers without Van Dyke, Could mean Jurgen Klopp on his bike?"

"So. China have sent up the balloon Expect it in London quite soon. It's going terrific, It's crossed the Pacific And it startted out from Kowloon. Helmut, who the fuck is Westwood? And the stuff he does, any good?"

"As he arose from his pit He saw he’d was laying in shit. It was mostly a slurry Composed of the curry He'd eaten last night, the daft tit. So. China have sent up the balloon Expect it in London quite soon."

"For writing online the N word, You could end up doing bird And it makes you no bigger Calling Westwood a “wigger” Even though he sounds so absurd As he arose from his pit He saw he’d was laying in shit"

"Today's started off with a chill, With ice on my lounge window sill. With arthritis and gout Fucked if I'm going out, So I'll just sit and take a pill. For writing online the N word, You could end up doing bird"

"Sleepwalking to relegation The Sully and Brady combination. That tart and her clown, Are taking us down, Again, we're the joke of the nation. Today's started off with a chill, With ice on my lounge window sill."

"While hiking in Spain to my front, I saw an old town that's called cսnt The tourists all snigger The locals can't figure They think it some kind of affront Sleepwalking to relegation The Sully and Brady combination"