THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[Willtell]

"A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. ""I don't want to know!"" the child said, bursting into tears. ""Promise me you won't tell me."" Confused, the father asked what was wrong ""Oh dad,"" the boy sobbed, ""when I was 6 I got the ""there's no Santa"" speech. At 7, I got the ""there's no Easter Bunny"" speech. When I was 8, you hit me with the ""there's no tooth fairy"" speech. IF you're telling me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."""

[Willtell]

"A child asked his father, ""How were people first born?"" So his father said, ""Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."" The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, ""We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."" The child ran back to his father and said, ""You lied to me!"" His father replied, ""No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."""

[Willtell]

"An company manager had a business with money problems. He decided he had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee that came late into work. The next morning, both employees came to work very early. So the manager thought he would fire the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. So then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait to see who would leave work the earliest, but both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager jumped up to her and said, ""Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."" Jill replied ""Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."""

[frank marker]

Stoat :-)

[The_Phantom]

"A couple are on holiday in Holland and whilst shopping, pause outside a pet shop. In the window is a kitten next to a sign ""Genuine Amsterdam Breed"". The lady , a real cat enthusiast, is extremely curious about it, especially as she'd never heard of cats being bred in Holland before. So she sends her husband in enquire. He approaches the assistant and says ""Ere mate, how Dutch is that moggie in the window ?"""

[boleyn8420]

We have a beautiful little girl that we named after my mum. In fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turn 5 tomorrow

[Helmut Shown]

Did you hear about the Millwall supporter who had a boil on his bum? He stuck the plaster on the mirror

[The Stoat]

"I thought I would try something different at the Indian restaurant, so I had a pelican madras it was very tasty .... but the bill was enormous!"

[claret on my shirt]

"When a Lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say ""Congratulations"" But none of them come over and touch a man's knob and say 'well done '!"

[claret on my shirt]

"Top Tip: Never do a runner from an Ethiopian restaurant! Attention!!...All bald people...Never wear polo neck jumpers, unless you are happy to look like a Roll-on deodorant"

[claret on my shirt]

"I was in the Bar when I started chatting to a Midget. ""You seem like a Nice and Trustworthy person, fancy coming back to mine""..?? I asked. ""Looking for a good time, are you""..?? she said, smiling. ""No,"" I replied. ""I've lost my Door Key and you're the only fucker I know, that could Fit through my Cat Flap."

[claret on my shirt]

"Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti... Hang on, doesn't matter now"

[Willtell]

No you do that with your constant abuse. I just take the piss out of you...

[Swiss.]

How do you embarrass yourself and look like an old fool?. Take the username Willtell and post on WHO.

[Willtell]

"Q: What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend, Swiss, a blow job while he was driving? A: They both came off the motorcycle."

[Willtell]

"A woman tells her doctor, ""My husband is Swiss and is 3 times impotent."" The doctor asks her, ""I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?"" She replies, ""Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger so whatever will I do?"""

[Willtell]

Q: How can you always tell a blind man at a nude beach? A: It's not hard.

[joe blob]

What do you call a woman with two cunts? NDubz

[claret on my shirt]

Bought a dog and called him shark. I'm now banned from every beach in Australia

[Coffee]

Mrs Jones Ha ha ha! I bet he'll never work in Britain!

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Scroll down to the members of staff. You'll know which name I mean http://www.vanderkindere.com/UserFiles/upload/sales_catalogues_print/vanderkindere_2017-06.pdf

[chim chim cha boo]

"Is it too early for a joke about that crank at Finsbury Park Mosque only wanting to join in with Ramavan? Yeah, thought so. Please don't read it."

[claret50]

The Stoat 4:05 Thu Jun 22 Tick tock.....

[Far East Hammer]

claret on my shirt 1:51 Thu Jun 22 great one!

[The Stoat]

Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham Ahmed Al Sheriah ÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩ here Mustafa Al Sheriah ÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩ.. here Fatima El Bindiri ÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩ.. here Ali Acmah Shabeeb ÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩ here Ali Sun Al En ÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩÔøΩ no answer Ali Sun Al En Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........ It's pronounced Alison Allen for fuck sake