West Ham Online

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"A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college , signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, ""I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."" The instructor said, ""During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. ""You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."" After a pause, the instructor added, ""I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

"Two rabbits, who have spent their whole lives in a laboratory, are set free one night by an animal activist. They run off into the countryside and come across a field of carrots. Instinct takes over: they get stuck in and start to eat all the carrots they can, until they fall asleep. The following night they go into a field of cabbages. Again, they eat all they can and fall asleep. The night after that, they find a field full of lettuce, which, as before, they proceed to chomp through until they fall asleep. The next night they find themselves in a field full of lady rabbits, all of whom are willing partners. They do what comes naturally and embark upon an all-night session. In the morning, the older rabbit decides he wants to return to the lab. ""What the hell for?"" asks his pal. ""We've had carrots, cabbages, lettuce and, best of all, those ladies last night. What's your problem?"" ""Life is sweet, I agree,"" says the older chap. ""But the thing is, I'm dying for a fag"""

Look in the mirror then Swiss....

yeah I'm still looking for the joke thread

Shiit. My local butcher just got busted for selling drugs. Blew my mind. Been his customer for years and had no idea he was a butcher........

Saul I heard it the first time...

Saul Bollox 5:01 Wed Apr 19 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Heard it

"Woman on life support machine is being washed by a nurse. When she washes her vagina, the woman blinks. The nurse calls the Sister who in turn calls the Doctor. The Doctor summons the husband and explains the situation. He tells the husband that stimulation could help, and advises him to try oral sex. The husband goes in and pulls the screen. After some minutes the alarms start going off and nurses and doctors rush to the scene. ""What happened."" asked the Doctor The husband replies "" I think she's choking on the semen."""

Someone related a humorous story to me the other day concerning every rainwater collection barrel in the world. It was the joke of all butts.

Why is the Star Ship Enterprise like a bog paper. They both go around Uranus flushing out Kilngons

did you get that out of a christmas cracker?

"I see that they've dug up a new Mummy out in Egypt .When they opened the sarcophagus ,the bandages were covered in chopped nuts and chocolate.They realised it was the Pharoah Rocher"

good un that Ted

"The wife and I were walking down the street today and noticed two cats in a tree. They were both slowly inching their way along a branch toward the tree's centre. ""Look at them."" I whispered to the wife. ""There must be a nest up there."" ""Don't talk like a cnut."" She replied. ""Cats don't live in nests."""

Here's mine; I was looking for the joke thread.

So Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and rose from the dead on the Sunday? Just in time for half price Easter eggs. Typical fucking Jew.

LondonE3 12:38 Sun Apr 16 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Seeing as im not a bailiff i wouldnt know sweetie

Penners still chewing on this one?

Nala?

"Anagram of alan, penners son? Take a few minutes."

penners28 12:28 Sun Apr 16 are all bailiffs as fucking thick as you?

Read that over and over and still dont get it...

"""Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"" ""Because your mum loves Easter, and its an anagram of Easter."" ""Thanks dad."" ""No problem Alan."""

Russ :-)

"2 blokes playing golf. Both on the green with one bloke head down ready to putt. Just as he is about to putt a hearse drives past on the nearby road. He stops his putt, stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. As the hearse drives off into the distance he then returns to his putt and rolls it in. The other bloke says to him ""You know, that was very respectful what you did there"". To which the bloke replies ""Well, I was married to her for 30 years""."