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THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 12 Aug 2015, 18:13
by Mad Dog
Usual rules apply
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 16 Jul 2016, 10:20
by Willtell
Excellent Briano...
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 16 Jul 2016, 02:21
by Saul Bollox
I entered a cement mixing competition. I won it on aggregate.
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 15 Jul 2016, 20:36
by Briano
"A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, ""We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.""ù ""Absolutely not,""ù says the Mullah. ""It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.""ù ""So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?""ù ""No,""ù answered the Mullah, ""It's forbidden.""ù ""Well, okay,""ù says the man, ""What about sex? Can we finally have sex?""ù ""Of course!""ù replies the Mullah, ""Sex is OK within marriage!""ù ""What about different positions?""ù asks the man. ""No problem,""ù says the Mullah. ""Woman on top?""ù the man asks. ""Sure,""ù says the Mullah. ""Go for it!""ù ""Doggy style?""ù ""Sure!""ù ""On the kitchen table?""ù ""Yes, yes!""ù ""Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators?""ù ""You may indeed!""ù ""Can we do it standing up?""ù ""No.""ù says the Mullah. ""Why not?""ù asks the man. ""It could lead to dancing.""ù"
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 14 Jul 2016, 16:42
by ted fenton
Very good Bigot
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 14 Jul 2016, 16:06
by the_bigot
Jeremy Clarkson just tweeted his dismay at the country now being run by May and Hammond
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 14 Jul 2016, 08:38
by Aalborg Hammer
"An eskimo is having problems with his pick up truck so he takes it to the garage.The mechanic says he's busy for a while but tells the eskimo to leave it with him and go and get something to eat and come back later. The eskimo returns and the mechanic says ""Looks like you've blown a seal"" The eskimo says ""No,it must be mayonnaise off my chicken sandwich"""
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 11 Jul 2016, 21:31
by Aalborg Hammer
"Two old spinsters having tea and one of them has a couple of dachshunds running around,a dog and a bitch. ""I do hope they're doctored"" says one woman ""No,they're both 'intact' "" says the owner ""What do you do when she's in season?"" ""I put her upstairs"" ""Can't he go up and get her ?"" ""Not with a hard-on he can't"""
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 01 Jul 2016, 22:32
by scott_d
delighted to announce that I'm through to the next round of the national erection championships. bring on the semi's!
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 29 Jun 2016, 21:10
by 20 benson
"Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland. "" I think we'd have won 1-0 "" he replied. ""Only 1-0?"" Said the reporter. ""Yes,"" said Bobby. ""Most of us are in our 70's now!"""
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 29 Jun 2016, 19:51
by BRANDED
"An Englishman, Welshman, Scot and a Northern Irish go into a bar. The Englishman wants to leave so they all have to."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 29 Jun 2016, 18:40
by Alex G
"I picked up a copy of ""Bonnie Tyler's Goalkeeping Blunders Volume 2"" last night. It's totally clips of Joe Hart."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 28 Jun 2016, 20:51
by riosleftsock
I've just planted the perfect chicken-proof lawn. Its impeckable.
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 28 Jun 2016, 15:37
by jools268
"Was in M&S yesterday and the cashier was serving a Polish couple. ""Would you like some help with your packing?"" she asked. I thought that was a bit off."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 28 Jun 2016, 13:10
by The Stoat
"An Icelander in the pub just said to me ""it's 2 for 1 Iceland"" I told him to BOGOF"
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 27 Jun 2016, 21:32
by The Stoat
New Boris bikes will be installed in London tomorrow Customers will be able to back pedal
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 26 Jun 2016, 20:38
by Mad Dog
"I've had enough of people saying Brits are ignorant. Now we've left the EU, people in both Holland and the Netherlands want a referendum too *after I posted that on fb. I got several serious replies pointing out that there are bigots in all countries. One person even had the quote ""it's difficult to tell between countries"" to which I replied that it's extremely difficult between those particular ones. Whooooooosh"
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 26 Jun 2016, 17:41
by Saul Bollox
How do you know when Mum's having a period? Dad's cock tastes different
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 26 Jun 2016, 17:31
by The Stoat
It's been announced that Nigel Farage is receiving on average two turds a week in the post. What I want to know is who's sending the other one?
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 18:45
by defjam
The Tudor periscope?
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 18:44
by Mike Oxsaw
I like the traditional timber-framed extension on the top of that bus.
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 18:41
by defjam
Mistakes happen!
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 17:27
by Saul Bollox
"Man: Can I smell your arsehole Woman: No certainly not Man; Oh, it must be your feet then."
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 17:09
by boy40
Now that Britain has voted to leave does Chris Eubank have to change his surname to bank...?
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 14:35
by ray winstone
"Can't wait to see David Cameron on I'm A Celebrity, he'll win the Bush Tucker Trial every night!"
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
Posted: 24 Jun 2016, 12:35
by The Stoat
There is a lot of uncertainty ahead for high street banks as all our armed robbers come back from Spain