New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[,]

The tigers are out on the prowl Outside I heard one of them growl in the garden with rage I examined the cage to find he'd nicked one of my fowl We sit in mid table becalmed Sam's rep irredeemably harmed

[Joke Whole]

On this Board is an ex pat poster who it seems is a terrible boaster Could this be me? Such unbridled glee! Just pour me a drink and I'll toast yer! The tigers are out on the prowl Outside I heard one of them growl

[,]

In the back seat of a car at High Beech up her skirt felt a sweaty hand reach t'was done by her vicar who stretched at her knicker and she let out an ear piercing screech On thisBoard is an ex pat poster who it seems is a terrible boaster

[Helmut Shown]

Eighty years old with sore bell end From shagging a twenty year old girlfriend A split frenulum In an attempt to bum His behaviour is hard to defend In the back seat of a car at High Beech up her skirt felt a sweaty hand reach

[Far East Hammer]

When burying old Mr. Goffin A knocking was heard from the coffin His twenty year old widow Was then filled with sorrow She wouldn't yet be cashing in Eighty years old with sore bell end From shagging a twenty year old girlfriend

[Saul Bollox]

"He died on the job with an erection In the coffin they built a new section, The wife cut off his thing, Shoved it right up his ring, Saying: ""That's changed your fucking complection"". When burying old Mr. Goffin A knocking was heard from the coffin"

[Helmut Shown]

"A randy young girl found it great, When covered with ejaculate Some find it tacky To indulge in bukkake It's important to get the right mate He died on the job with an erection In the coffin they built a new section"

[Saul Bollox]

"A militant in burqa and dress Went to Syria to join IS When they lifted her veil, She looked like a dead whale So was sent back to her home address. A randy young girl found it great, When covered with ejaculate"

[Helmut Shown]

In a brothel in seedy Tangier There worked an effeminate queer When he came to the UK He was deported next day We don't want that sort in here A militant in burqa and dress Went to Syria to join IS

[Saul Bollox]

After sitting there dropping a log A woman got locked in the bog Though her cries were heard The smell of the the turd Deterred even her rescuer's dog. In a brothel in seedy Tangier There worked an effeminate queer

[Helmut Shown]

"UKIP, Tory, LibDem, Green, Labour Is there anyone worth voting for? The political classes Can stick it up their arses The system's rotten to the core After sitting there dropping a log A woman got locked in the bog"

[Far East Hammer]

"In this tax dodger society There's more Tory impropriety Upper class scroungers Hoity toit bludgers Thinking themselves almighty Ukip, Tory, LibDem, Green, Labour Is there anyone worth voting for?"

[Helmut Shown]

"Goals conceded in injury time, And tactics far from sublime The lack of possession Has caused fans depression The football's not short of a crime In this tax dodger society There's more Tory impropriety"

[Saul Bollox]

"Roy Hodgson's selections it seems Are limited to certain teams No one from us, But I wouldn't fuss Long gone are our footballing dreams. Goals conceded in injury time, And tactics far from sublime."

[Helmut Shown]

A vicar with many a tale Felt sick and turned very pale Was a crisis in his calling? That caused all this bawling On the effect of Old Special Ale Roy Hodgson's selections it seems Are limited to certain teams

[Helmut Shown]

A tranny was cruising the street When who did he happen to meet In a sheepskin coat With a fifty pound note Famous kerb crawler David Pleat Roy Hodgson's selections it seems Is limited to certain teams

[Jethro Q Walrustitty]

"A tranny was cruising the street When who did he happen to meet? I said 'what the eff'? Are you my mate Geoff? No I'm Barbara on a Tuesday, alreet? A vicar with many a tale Felt sick and turned very pale"

[Joke Whole]

Another thrilling match against Stoke Will this be another sick joke? Our GD will sink But Sam will not blink. That man is a cսnt of a bloke. A tranny was cruising the street When who did he happen meet?

[Helmut Shown]

Far East Hammer stands proud and tall As westhamonline's McGonegall With speculative rhyme Most of the time Most filthy and some political Another thrilling match against Stoke Will this be another sick joke?

[Saul Bollox]

"The fat patron saint of hoofball Makes himself look such a prize tool From his mouth profuse Comes all type of excuse, Never taking the blame as a rule. Far East Hammer stands proud and tall As westhamonline's McGonegall"

[Saul Bollox]

"The fat patron saint of hoofball Makes himself look such a prize tool From his mouth profuse Comes all type of excuse, Never taking the blame as a rule. Far East Hammer stands proud and tall As westhamonline's McGonegall"

[Far East Hammer]

"Big Fat Sam and politics, Are a feature of WHO limericks By any amount That's two by my count Plus pedantry also you dicks! The fat patron saint of hoofball Makes himself look such a prize tool"

[Saul Bollox]

"Politicians please would it killya, To probe high level paedophilia Fuck ups by the rest So bring in the best, Napoleon Solo and Illya. Big Fat Sam and politics, Are a feature of WHO limericks"

[Helmut Shown]

"An old priest Father McGuire Looked lovingly upon the choir As they sung perfect pitch In a tone deep and rich He sat there pulling his wire Politicians please would it killya, To probe high level paedophilia"

[Saul Bollox]

The land of the brave and the free Will invade your land with such glee.. You will be liberated From despots who're hated. Replaced by? you'll just have to see. An old priest Father McGuire Looked lovingly upon the choir.