THE joke threads (part 5)

[Mad Dog]

Usual rules apply

[riosleftsock]

"A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, ""Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"" The professor replied, ""No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."" The chief was silent for a moment, then said, ""Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."""

[riosleftsock]

pedestRIBan crossing?

[Erith Jeff]

why did the chicken cross the road

[riosleftsock]

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?"

[Far East Hammer]

A man walks into the zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu

[BigDad]

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

[deedee]

"Denver Hammer 7:16 Fri Nov 13 Re: THE joke threads (part 5) Many years ago on a family holiday in Ibiza my old man was ""chatting"" to some Germans at the bar: ""Bobby Moore Gut"", ""Franz Beckenbaur good"", etc. One of them asks ""Have you ever been to Germany?"" My old man replies ""Yes, but only by night!"". He was a navigator in Lancasters..."

[penners28]

"A man, who sued BA for his baggage going missing, has lost his case...."

[BigDad]

What do we want? More questions! When do we want them? Thanks! What do we want?! Time travel! When do we want it?! Irrelevant! What do we want?! A cure for ADHD! When do we want it?! Squirrel!! What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? cսnt! WHAT DO WE WANT? HEARING AIDS! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? HEARING AIDS!

[Mad Dog]

It has been confirmed that more terrorists are set to enter France. Ireland just qualified for the Euros.

[Manip]

"And this one, http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html"

[Manip]

Old but funny http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html

[BigDad]

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

[Denver Hammer]

"A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is gobbing off how lazy British truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, Belgium up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just two days. This old Geordie man mutters up, ""Ah way ay I used to pick up me load in Newcastle, drop off in Hamburg and be back in Newcastle for a fish and chip supper the same day"". the gobby German trucker says "" oh yah, vot rig were you driving then?"" After taking a long swig of his pint of Newcastle Brown Ale, the old fella replies..... A LANCASTER BOMBER!!"

[Helmut Shown]

Andrea Bocelli has been admitted to hospital with hand injuries after trying to read a cheese grater

[Darlo Debs]

Lol Ray

[ray winstone]

"I've been trying tantric sex, best position is called the plumber......you stay in all day and no one comes."

[The Stoat]

"I've just bought a Citroen Oxo It's like the Saxo, but built for Stock car racing"

[Monk~koknee]

"A black lady named Betty goes to the butchers and asks for some beef. The butcher replies ""No, Black Betty, ham or lamb?"""

[Mr Polite]

"I got pulled over by a police checkpoint yesterday. They said they were looking for a couple of racist attackers. I looked at my mate, he nodded - so I turned back to the copper and said 'ok, we'll do it...'"

[Monk~koknee]

Sydney ©1970 Bernard Manning

[Sydney_Iron]

"A farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts , ""Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, its full o hoss piss an cow shite an it could kill thee"" The Bloke says: ""Sir, I am a muslim from Pakistan, can you be speaking clearer, and slower please"" The farmer replies: ""If....you.... Use.... Two ....Hands....... You.... Wont.... Spill ....Any"""

[The Stoat]

"An asylum seeker was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said ""Have you ever had a hug?"" The man said ""No,"" so she gave him a big hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, ""Have you ever had a kiss?"" The man said, ""No,"" so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The Scottish woman came to him and said, ""'ave ye ever been fucked, laddie?"" The man broke into a big smile and said, ""No"". She said, ""Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in."""

[Monk~koknee]

I was down the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in. Anyway now she's made a formal complaint and I've been banned for life.

[Saul Bollox]

"Woman says to her husband: ""Would you marry again if I died?"" Bloke says: ""Probably"" Woman says: ""Would you let her use my golf clubs?"" Man says: ""No, she's left handed""."